I killed a laser printer. This would not bother me nearly as much if this printer wasn’t a replacement for another printer I also somehow managed to kill not six weeks ago, simply by printing. Through good times and bad machines have always been my friends, and now they are turning on me. At very least, a good warranty means there’ll be a new printer shortly. I promise, printer gods, that I will treat your new child with far more reverence. Have mercy on us, poor writers, now and at the hour of our deadline.

About Life getting in my way that I alluded to in a previous entry: In other news, far more important than my relationship with printers, I will be doing three months of intense medical treatment beginning in October. These words are less upsetting than the other word that was used, namely “chemotherapy.” I have done this before - even using the dreaded c-word. I’ll even be doing the same treatment I went through several decades ago, when it was done over a much longer spread of nine months. I know what to expect (TL;DR I get to feel terrible for a few months so I can feel better for the rest of my life). I am optimistic that this will be fine and that it’s the right decision.

None of this optimism saves me from a deep resounding “not again” echoing off the edges of my brain. I also am not enjoying having to tell people about what’s happening, so that they understand I may need more time and support as I manage the reality of surviving a medicine that needs to murder the cellular kidnappers holding part of my body hostage. Here’s hoping for a positive hostage negotiation.

I think I have fallen in love with typography all over again.

Thank you, Leon.

Writing to say there isn’t much to write about, except that’s not true entirely. There are things to write about. They are works in process, like the rest of life seems to be at the moment. It’s that part of the end of the summer when everyone else seems to be cramming in as much vacation time as they can, and I’m already preparing for a busier autumn. Currently working on negotiations for two book projects, and trying to finance the time I need to finish said projects. Publishing takes a long time when you’re not doing it yourself. Sometimes it takes a long time when doing it yourself as well. I announced a project I was publishing a couple of months ago, and it’s still awaiting a final edit and formatting pass, thanks to various Life that got in my way.

How patient can I expect everyone else to be with me when I’m not patient with myself? Some days I get very frustrated at how long it takes me to get to the things I want to do. Sometimes I also realize how many other bits of necessary work I must contend with, being the only person who takes care of myself, and I cut myself some slack. Today is much higher on the frustration at myself scale than the being realistic with myself scale. Good thing that tomorrow is another day to try again.

I took time off over the last few days, the first in a long while. I wasn’t able to clear full days - too many deadlines to make that work - but I carved out spaces where I turned off the phone and disconnected from everything work related and allowed myself to do whatever I felt like doing. There was sleep and leisurely breakfast and coffee time. There was reading, more than one walk around the neighborhood, and plenty of attention to the cat and the garden. I also took in an excellent narrative.

As a writer, it’s important to partake of other people’s writing. Something in reading and listening to others’ narratives helps you continue to generate your own. There’s a famous quote about how a writer who doesn’t read is no writer at all, but I can’t retrieve it out of my head at the moment and the great Google oracle is unhelpful. Nevertheless, it’s important to read, to watch narrative films, to listen to storytellers, to absorb stories as well as to tell them. Storytelling is a multifaceted, communal experience. So my weekend narrative exploration was mostly spent with the Castlevania animated series on Netflix, written masterfully by Warren Ellis.

Castlevania was a highlight of my late childhood. I’ve always had an interest in vampire stories, and I’d heard good things about this series, so it seemed like something fun to explore during downtime. I was not disappointed. It’s been some time since I’ve taken in a narrative of that depth. I may have to watch it all again to pick up on different things, since in typical Ellis style, there are several levels of narrative and not all of them are on the surface at any given time. The experience (and what an absolutely appropriate ending!) makes me want to write fiction again, and when something makes me want to write, I know it is doing what it’s supposed to do.

Now July, and preparing to be 50. No idea when that happened, but it must have, as “50th anniversary of the moon landing” news is everywhere. It’s nice to have been born on a day that tied to a specific historical event sometimes. It means you never get to forget how old you are. Age is, of course, a number, but it’s also a feeling. The last few months I am definitely noticing feelings - and most have to do with pain. Bifocals, arthritis, feeling those muscles a bit more than I used to, lines where there weren’t lines before… aging has a bit more to do with pain than we think about on a daily basis, I suspect. Or is it that youth provides enough distraction that one doesn’t think about the various pains, physical and otherwise, that contour our lives? My youth had a fair amount of pain in it, so I don’t know that that is any different. Taking the notice of some changes in my reflection simply as more experience and not judging it.

Three potentially large projects in sight right now. Interviewed for one of them last week; should take a call on the second this week. The third got very interesting at the beginning of June, then suddenly went quiet. Not sure if I need to poke it or be patient. Wrestling with suspense in all three cases. There are things I’d love to speak about but can’t yet (or possibly ever), and it’s hard to contain my excitement.

“No matter how exotic human civilization becomes, no matter the developments of life and society nor the complexity of the machine/ human interface, there always come interludes of lonely power when the course of humankind, the very future of humankind, depends upon the relatively simple actions of single individuals.” -from the Tleilaxu Godbuk, quoted in Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert